The Prison of Perfection

Not to be dramatic, but perfectionism might be ruining your life because it has definitely tried to ruin mine.

A few weeks ago, I submitted one of my midterms late, and I was devastated. Seriously. I actually cried as I frantically drafted an email to my professor.

In all my years of school, I have never missed a deadline. But procrastination won this time, or so I thought.

For a long time, I thought I was just a serial procrastinator. I held off on doing things until the last minute because I had other things that were more of a priority. I just didn’t have time to start.

But after this latest debacle, I really had to look in the mirror and figure out the root of it. Why do I procrastinate on doing the things that matter to me?

Well, I finally realized that it’s not that I can’t focus or that there isn’t enough time in the day. Nope.

It’s that somehow I’ve found myself trapped in the prison of perfection.

In fear of writing a less-than-perfect paper, I avoided starting it in the first place. Then when I finally finished it, the fear of turning in a less-than-perfect paper, caused me to re-read the thing like seven times and ultimately miss the deadline.

I was worried about how my professor would feel about my work, if it was good enough, or if my work would expose me to an imposter that didn’t actually earn my spot in this program.

Somewhere along the way, I started to believe the lie that if I didn’t do things perfectly, or present myself perfectly I was less worthy. Less worthy of success. Less worthy of good things. Less worthy of love.

Truthfully, perfectionism was a survival skill that got me through school, childhood, teenage years, and even college. My refusal to accept anything less than perfection got me top grades. It got me into a prestigious college. My teachers loved me. My parents gloated about me.

My perfect performance was rewarded with superficial validation.

But as an adult, perfectionism becomes a prison, because a full life cannot be measured by a letter grade.

Life is messy. Community is messy. Friendships are messy. Career paths are messy. Heck, I’m messy. I'm so messy, that Jesus had to leave heaven to die for me.

Because perfectionism is rooted in the fear of failure and rejection:

• It allows us to plan and dream but scares us out of executing.

• It confines us to rigid five-year plans that leave no room to explore and pivot.

• It makes us show up as outdated versions of ourselves to keep the approval of friends and family.

• It causes us to procrastinate, feeds our insecurities, and induces self-sabotage.

• It tries to convince us that our journey through this life should be a straight line with no detours, stop signs, or U-turns.

While striving for perfection might have worked in the past and even gotten you to where you are now, if you’re like me, it may have also become a roadblock.

The prison of perfection causes us to deprive ourselves of the freedom we have to create, live, and just be.

The struggle of perfectionism is real, but it’s also irrational because even with your best efforts, perfection is unachievable.

While I'm still working on unlearning my perfectionist tendencies, one thing I do know is that I for one, am tired of trying to keep up with appearances.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an advocate of mediocrity. Like at all. But I am no longer willing to lose time or exchange my peace for fear of who will approve of me.

The price of external validation is too high and fleeting.

So today, I choose to just be. I choose freedom over perfection and I hope you do too.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139:13-15

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