Taking Stock

Fun fact: One of my favorite self-care activities is decluttering my space. So since this month has been a whirlwind, I took some time to tidy up my apartment and reorganize after my latest home decor haul.

As I moved around my home, I danced, sang, and praised while my gospel playlist played in the background. It was truly a vibe. I felt so much joy in that moment, and to my surprise, tears began to well up in my eyes.

Now, if you know me personally, you know it doesn't take much for me to cry, but even I was caught off by the sudden rush of emotions.

Then it dawned on me. I literally prayed for this moment. And of course, like the sensitive girly that I am, the tears flowed even more. I paused and just took everything in (like everything) because I realized that I am sitting and living in answered prayers.

I prayed for days when I could blast my worship music without bothering my family or a roommate.

I prayed for the opportunity to break into my field.

I prayed for God to open the door for my grad school program.

I prayed to find a church home.

I prayed to get to a place where I felt safe enough to finally begin healing my childhood wounds.

I prayed for this.

I remember nights when I used to cry myself to sleep because I didn’t think I had anything to offer this world. I couldn’t understand why I was here, what I was living for, or what was next. I didn’t know how to navigate the pain I experienced from those closest to me.

But God, in His graciousness and love, carried me through. I think life moves so fast that sometimes I forget to take stock of just how far God has brought me.

Today, my heart is grateful because I have evidence of God's faithfulness. No, I am evidence of God’s faithfulness.

As unworthy as I am, He is still faithful to heal, restore, and redeem. That’s it. That’s the message. This Thanksgiving season I am grateful for Jesus and the fact that He has never once left or failed me.

I was going through my old prayer journal and found a prayer I wrote back in 2020 during a really rough time. I thought I’d share as a reminder that it does get better.

If you’re in a good place right now, may this remind you to pause and praise. If you’re in a season where things don't feel good, may it remind you that you are not alone.

The God who was here before the beginning of time sees you, loves you, and is working on your behalf even now. That in itself is a reason to be grateful.

April 4, 2020 God, I’m really sad right now. I feel alone, abandoned, hopeless, and scared. I don’t know who to call. I don’t know how to stop this pain or make my life better. I know you’re good and I know you’re God. But there’s a part of me that believes that it will always be this way. At the moment I can’t see the end or the light. But this I know, you have brought me out of darkness before. This I know, you created me for a reason and for a special purpose. So Lord, in the waiting and the crying, would you comfort me. Show me that you really are enough. Show me what to do. Show me a way out. This I know, you are good and you are God. I will trust you even though I don’t understand it right now. In Jesus’ name, I pray.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalm 103:1-5

Disclaimer: The information provided in or through this website is for educational and informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, therapy, diagnosis, or treatment.